Family Focus, Black Single Parents
CHICAGO - Black women from North Lawndale are reclaiming their narrative of what it means to be a mother during the holidays.
Although Black families usually host holiday events at their elders, Family Focus Lawndale recognizes that not everyone has a traditional holiday experience. Family Focus is a nonprofit in Illinois that provides family support services, including early childhood development programs, home visits, doula services, parent education, and more.
Community Thanksgiving Luncheon, sponsored by Family Focus welcomed mainly single parents to celebrate the individual strength and will of single parents. During the Luncheon, over 250 meals were served.
Black women and a Black Doula (an advocate for mothers throughout the pregnancy, delivery, and post-delivery processes) share how single-parenthood strengthened self-respect, self-esteem, and support networks.
Below several Black women share their stories in their own words.
Shannettea, 34
“I didn’t know what love was until I had my daughter because I never received love. My mother was an addict, and the only time I heard, ‘I love you’ was in the streets. In January 2016, I had my daughter and was an emotional wreck. I said a prayer after delivering her. I asked God for consistency, ability to provide for her and more highs than lows.
This Christmas, I didn’t have to ask, “This is on her list. Can you get it?” This year those gifts are from mommy. I’m grateful and doing it on my own.
My daughter has taught me patience. Everything works out in it’s own timing.
Finish this sentence, “A mother is like..” “A mother has to be like bamboo and bounce back.”
I remember, “My crown may tilt but it’ll never let it fall off.”
Jolanda, 45
“The positive of being a single parent is that I get him all to myself. *laughs* I don’t have to share him with anyone. When I found out I was pregnant, a positive was that I believed that I could raise him and could do it well.
The older he became, I decided that exposure was more important than expensive gifts or birthday parties. We travel now. We’ve gone to Lousinana, Georgia, Missississippi, Arizona, and next we’re going to New York.
I’m most proud that “his school friend was going through something, and he said ‘You can talk with my mom.’ He knows I’m his protector. He can talk to me about anything and so can his friends.”
Shataun, 27
“My mother has been helpful. If I don’t have it, she will help me buy things. She helps with transportation. She keeps me strong. If I’m sleepy, she gives me rest. If I didn’t have my mom, I wouldn’t know which way to go. I would have to figure out, but it would be difficult. I would be depressed or clueless.
I have one daughter, who is 7 months.”
I’m most proud that “I’m a good mom. I get what she needs.”
“When I became a mother, I realized I’m strong and independent.”
My advice to single parents, “Relax and be strong about it.”
Tiffany, 27
“I’m a single parent of three children - 9 year old, 3 year old and 2 week old. The positives are that although I struggle with depression, I look at them and keep going. They are my purpose. It’s hard sometimes. I’ve experienced depression since I was 5, and pregnancy further impacted my mental health. Postpartum depression is real. My child’s father filed and was granted shared custody when my child turned 8 years. That messed me up because he hadn’t been there during those prior 8 years. Family Focus was there for me, helped me, and I can talk to anyone. The doula, case workers, anyone. It’s a village. And it takes a village to raise a child.”
Caray, 26
“I am a doula - an advocate for mothers throughout the pregnancy, delivery, and post-delivery processes. Black women everywhere should have someone to help them through the pregnancy.
Black mothers are spoken over during doctor’s visits. During the birth delivery, mothers are pressured to accepting what the doctor suggests, as if it’s the only option. During the birth delivery, the doctor will ask, ‘Don’t you want the baby to be OK?’ and mothers will be pressured into saying yes when there’s a better alternative that best fits them.
Black women are afraid of dying during pregnancy. Historically, Tuskegee experiments and modern medicine have negatively impacted Black women.
I support 10 parent-participants, ages 13 through 20 years old. One mom is in prison. One mom is at high risk because she has multiple-sclerosis. There’s a 17 year old who is a mother to her child and to herself because she doesn’t have her mom. All the women I support are strong because despite the challenges they face whether with medical services or general life challenges, they advocate for themselves, asking for other options despite being invalidated (i.e. formula options), being resourceful, multi-tasking, protecting and providing, pivoting and responding to challenges.”
Irene, 36
“I went through a lot with my pregnancy and labor, but I had my mom, sister, and stepfather around. While I was pregnant, another family member was pregnant. We looked out for each other. I would’ve been mentally exhausted if no one would’ve been there to help me. We show each other love. Time with family helps me a lot. My son is helpful with daughter too. Although she is quiet and mild mannered.”
Shantee, 37
“A good friend of mine was in a coma. She passed away while she was in labor. She stopped breathing and her heart stopped beating five times, during the process of giving birth. That’s a single mother’s biggest fear is dying in labor.
I found out about Family Focus because I saw an advertisement that they were giving out free car seats. I found out about the doulas and immediately clung to the program.
I can rely on my friends to help me. I was in the hospital once and my friend took care of my children - 2 year old, 3 year old, and a 6 month old.
I hold it all together by faith and prayer. I remember to be strong and not cry in front of my kids. I couldn’t have done it without God. “
For more information about Family Focus, click www.family-focus.org or call 773-722-5057.